There are many ways in which the COVID-19 pandemic is increasing anxieties for us all. Whether it is because your finances or job are in jeopardy or you are concerned about your health or that of a loved one. We are all faced with different challenges during this difficult time. Some are dealing with full-time parenting and/or homeschooling, some are dealing with working from home, others are dealing with being laid off, and still others are dealing with working on the front lines as grocery clerks or healthcare workers. Many people are facing relationship challenges, financial challenges, and mental health challenges they weren't prepared for. Each and everyone is trying to do their best with all of these challenges but many are struggling. My post-doctoral intern said today "we aren't all in the same boat, but we are in the same storm." And it is true.With that in mind I wanted to share some strategies I have been sharing with clients to help them weather this storm no matter what boat they are in. Here are my top 10:
1. Take care of the basics (food, rest, hydration, exercise) as best you can. Our systems are like a Jenga tower. It is much harder to stay together when the bottom blocks that we base our foundation of wellness on are missing. This may mean resisting the urge to order pizza and sticking with a more balanced dinner. This may mean going for a walk around the block, playing extra with your kids, or using household items to have a workout. Whatever meeting those needs looks like for you right now is okay.
2. Stay connected. Even though we cannot see each other in person it is important to nurture our need for human relationships. Whether that means talking to friends and family on the phone with talk or video calls, using social media to stay connected, using chat rooms or support groups online, or even writing an old fashioned hand written letter to your grandchildren try to do it.
3. Focus on the positive. As much as you can focus on what is going right and not what is going wrong. Our brains tend to form habits and if we constantly think about the negative or what we are doing wrong then that is where our mind will go. If you start to train your mind towards the positive it will go there. A great way to do this is to get a notebook and write down at least 3 positive things about everyday. It can be something as silly as "I am grateful for chocolate ice cream" or as meaningful as "I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter." Or if you have a family at home you can make it a nightly practice as you go around the table for each family member to say 3 things that they are thankful for the day.
4. Learn something new or finish an existing project. Many of us have more free time, either because we aren't commuting or because we are laid off. If that is the case use the time to learn something new or pick something old up. My mentor recently shared with me that she picked up a needle point she hadn't worked on in 20 years. Since this all started I have learned to embroider, started a sour dough bread starter, and am working on converting all my cds to MP3. Learning something new or finishing a project can give you a sense of mastery and control when things feel a little out of control.
5. Practice self-compassion. We can be our own worst critic. Something the things we tell ourselves can be pretty hurtful. Notice how you are talking to yourself in your head (or out loud). Are you saying mean or hurtful things? Are you giving yourself enough credit for trying or doing the things you do? If you aren't being kind to yourself consider working on practicing self-kindness. Think of it much like a parent loves their child. A parent loves their child unconditionally regardless of what they do. They may not like their behavior but they love them. It is healthy to view yourself the same way.
6. Don't "should" on yourself A lot of clients I work with are in the habit of saying things like "Well I should be less lazy" or "I should do better." I often tell them to stop "should-ing" on themselves. When you say should you are implying that you aren't good enough or you are doing something wrong. This can create feelings of guilt or shame and a sense of being being good enough. Try to catch yourself saying "should" and rephrase. Instead of "I should do better" maybe try "I am doing the best I can but next time I will try to do even better." Try saying both of those out loud and notice how you feel.
7. Build your coping kit Use this time to gather all the things that are helpful or might be helpful when you are experiencing times of great anxiety. I often suggest that clients get a Rubermaid plastic bin or file box and put items in it that can be helpful in stressful times. Items might include: adult coloring books, bubbles, play dough, music, books, lists of breathing exercises, a call list of people you can call, and you can even look on the web for more suggestions for your coping box. Who knows, maybe a future PsyOwa blog post could add some more suggestions.
8. Remember that you might not be in the same boat as others A lot of the anger and discontentment that I am seeing out there right now seems to arise when people don't consider that others might be in a different situation then them. We all are dealing with different parts of this situation. One person may want to return to life before social distancing because their business is hurting from the restrictions yet another may want to stay in lock-down because they are worried about getting the virus due to a history of cancer. You don't necessarily need to agree with each-other to understand how stressful things are and to practice compassion for yourself and one another.
9. Take media and social media breaks Let's face it. Scary stories sell news. A lot of the time the media is filled with sensationalized stories or headlines the focus only on the negative. I often encourage clients to take a break from the nightly news or consider just using an online news source where they can scroll through headlines and decide what to digest. For some, they need to swear off it all together. Either way monitor how the news is impacting your mental health and adjust your consumption accordingly.
10. Do something nice for others One of the ways that Viktor Frankl, a famous psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust suggested that we could create meaning in our lives even during suffering was to do something altruistic or something in service of others. Whether that is sewing masks for those who don't have them or donating to a local food bank it can help you to feel better and it also helps others. Everyday it has been nice enough we have went for a walk at my house after work and we take a backpack of canned goods to place in the tiny food pantries in our neighborhood. When we walk buy and see that the food is gone, we feel good knowing that someone is getting the food they need and the world seems a little less dark.
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